3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
