AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
