I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize