What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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