At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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