ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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