wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
