so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
