Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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