Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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