would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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