I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
