So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
