end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
