So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize