i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
