True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
