I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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