Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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