I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
