shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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