I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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