we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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