areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
