I looked at my own cervix.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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