Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
