Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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