Im at strip club and am horny
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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