I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize