He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
