I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize