problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
