my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
