I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
