my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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