I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
