i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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