For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
