Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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