Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
