I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
nutella sex= disaster
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He has the fingertips of a God
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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