There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
