I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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