I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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