he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
