When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
