turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize