I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
