Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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