i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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