apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
