My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
