You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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