jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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