before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
