she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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