Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Drake has all the answers
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
