I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize