I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
