Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
