I will die if light touches me.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize