ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
