I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
