Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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