i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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