I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
