I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize