you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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