WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
