respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
