Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
