I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize