Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
