He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
