1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I AM VODKA MAN
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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