will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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