M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
