bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
