Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
