yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
