I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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