If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
