You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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