i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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