You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
