Betty ford says i'm here all night
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
