i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
