i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
