I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you had me at cake vodka
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize