My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
did you just send me my own nude
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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