If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
