My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
